Sunday, September 15, 2013

Commitment to Self

(This is something I recently sent a friend who was struggling with self hatred. I adapted it from wisdom that I believe God gave me when I was a child).

I know you and I know your heart and thoughts. You have made mistakes. But you have always done the best you could with the information that you had. I know you would be a wonderful friend. You would be someone I could always count on. I know the mistakes you have made and I would not hold any friend accountable or even find blame with them for the things that you have done. If I look at you through friend glasses---You are clean in my eyes. Yet instead of loving you as a friend I have always judged you harshly and even hated you. I have tried to kill you---knowing it would kill me. Today I want to make peace. I want to be your friend. I pledge before you this day and forward--- I will believe the best about you! I will rebuke any negative reports that attempt to come my way about you! I forgive you for everything you have done in the past, present, and even the future! I can do this because I know you, I love you, and I trust you. And that is how I treat my friends.

(The above commitment is almost verbatim to what I now believe God gave me to release Satan's stronghold in my life. I was still a child at the time and I have no doubt I would not have survived my childhood had God not given me this tool. I used to be tormented by what I believe to be an evil spirit who wanted me dead. Looking back on that time in my life it was impossible to resist Satan on my own. I cannot remember how many times this demonic spirit over took me and 
attempted to get me to kill myself. I didn't even know it was Satan. This demonic spirit always came in as a rush and overtook me suddenly. I just thought it was me wanting to die. But not just wanting to die...I felt I had to die! But as usual, one day Satan overplayed his hand and I was able to see that this was not me wanting to die, but an outside force. An anger rose up within me. I said. If I die it will be my choice and not some outside force! It may have been that same night. God gave me these tools to over come that demonic spirit completely.

Ponder the exact things you have been accusing yourself of doing. Could your actions really just be the result of deep wounds? I discovered the things I hated myself for were not things I had done, but things that were done to me. Allow yourself to receive healing in these areas and if you need to...forgive yourself.

Under NO circumstances receive any negative report about yourself! (You wouldn't receive a negative report about a friend would you)? Learn to be vigilant in taking control of your thought life. 

This is a demonic spirit that wants you dead. God wants you to live. You must learn and practice spiritual warfare. You were called to be a great warrior! You can and will have victory in this area of your life!